Company Policy:
Effective from 24/06/07
Dress Code
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see
you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well
financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to
learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and
therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where
you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are
able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Personal Days
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday &
Sunday.
Bereavement Leave
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead
friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have
non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee
involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon.
We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently
leave one hour early.
Toilet Use
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict
three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm
will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a
picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on
the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders Category". Anyone caught
smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health
policy.
Lunch Break
Skinny people get 60 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they
can look healthy. Normal size people get 30 minutes for lunch to get a balanced
meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 10 minutes for lunch,
because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive
employment experience -
Management.
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